Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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