I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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