Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
