If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
