What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
