garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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