i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
