I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
