tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
