its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
