...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
