I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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