ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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