Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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