Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
