dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
