I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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