If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
