I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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