I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
