i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
