I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
