i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
