Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
