At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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