I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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