I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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