Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
