Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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