I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
