Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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