we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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