He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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