Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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