I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
