i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
