i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
