How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
