She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
