Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize