i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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