Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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