the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
