After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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