If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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