Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
