just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
