So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
