they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
