He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am available for nakedness
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize