please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
