I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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