I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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