am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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