lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
