it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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