Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
