News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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